Tuesday, 10 April 2012

Irrational Fears

So in my last post I touched upon my fear of needles and injections. It's a fear I have had for as long as I can remember. I'm shuddering at the thought of them as I type this post.

This fear for me is totally irrational. Mainly because in my Student Nursing days I could quite happily pull myself together enough in order to inject a patient (Thankfully). I have also got tattoo's in the past. Not quite the same as an injection, but this is one thing that gets thrown at me by Nurse's.
"If you can get tattoo's surely you can stand an injection?"

My reply generally consists of:-
"Getting a tattoo isn't delving a 3/4inch needle into my body to inject foreign substances or steal my blood!"

I usually tend to win with this and hear nothing more about the matter.

So any rate, I'd pretty much managed to train myself out of this fear. Or so I thought.

One night I'd been "dreaming" about having to give the dog his injection. I'd done it fine in the past. (The dog is an insulin dependant diabetic and needs injections twice a day). Anyway in this dream whilst injecting the dog I had managed to have some major accident with the syringe and ended up nearly on deaths door (god knows what I was injecting him with).

I woke up after this dream, and instantly knew my fears had come back, maybe even threefold. Shortly after my mobile phone started calling and it was Mother. For some reason I instantly knew what it was about.
"Can you do me a favour and give the dog...."
"No mum I can't"
"But..."
"I can't Mother I'll collapse."

She left it at that, when she got home she gave him his injection, and then proceeded to pick me up off the floor.

So it was back. The fear I thought I had grown out of.

Question. Do we ever actually grow out of fears?

If anything I have more fears through getting older. Take butterflies and moths for instance? I once 15 or so years a go (Oh Lord! Old!)  used to run after them and catching them in my bare hands. Then I grew fearful of them. This I think is a learnt fear. My childhood best friend whom was a few years older than me was absolutely terrified off moths/Butterflies. I used to see him shit his self, and I followed suit. It has been conditioned in to me to be scared of them, and right now I just cannot shake the fear of them.

I remember when my brother was younger (about 4 or 5), my mum and I took him into what I believe to be a green house, this green house was actually a butterfly house.

I don't think I have ever screamed so loud in public before, or run out of somewhere so fast. Luckily, my brother didn't learn this fear from me.

He has how ever seem to of learnt a fear of water through my younger sister.