Tuesday, 1 March 2016

Self Injury Awareness Day

So apparently today is a self injury awareness day.

Anyone who doesn't know me in real life, or rather didn't know me when I was younger, will not be aware, that I was a self harmer.

I'm not ashamed to admit this, and if people happen to notice and ask about any questionable scarring on my arms then I won't deny what they are, but in all fairness I don't really get asked, nor are the scares that visible anymore, seeing as it is 15 ish years since it happened.

At the same time not all my self harm was through cutting, I would do things such as head banging, hair pulling etc too.

There are many reasons that I resulted to self harm, all the usual really, struggling to deal with bullies at school, problems within myself, and others, which I don't really feel the need to divulge.

I found that self harm was something I was in control over. I controlled when the pain would happen or not. Then it came to the point that I became almost addicted to self harm. This may sound silly to none self harmers, but I am pretty sure that other self harmers will know exactly where I came from.

Self harm became a habit for me, a lot like smoking, I felt I needed to do it after certain events would happen and it took some time for me to break out of this habit, and included some help from the mental health services also.

  It was not me seeking attention. Which is what I think a lot of none self harmers think.

As I said, I am not ashamed of my past of self harming, now I see it as a reminded that I over came a pretty difficult time in my life, and I am pretty proud of myself too.

Even now I can still feel drawn when things are playing on my mind, or in times of heightened emotion, but they soon pass with some diversional techniques that I have mastered over the years.